So we've been in the house for a month now...which is unrealistic to me cause it seems like we just moved in like yesterday with all the boxes that are still in piles and needs to be gone through. My dining room isn't up to par, so we're not able to eat in there yet, we've been eating outside at the picnic table which is alright, as long as we're eating together is my mato.

I've been getting more and more done slowly, the kids are always behind me it seems getting things out after I put the stuff away and get it organized. I've downsized so much from living in the other house which was a 5 bedroom and this one is a 3 bedroom. We've been planning a yard sale and going to be having another one this coming weekend (August 2nd) and getting rid of even more stuff that I don't use and can't find a place for. If I haven't used it, and I don't know when I'm going to use it again then I really don't need to keep it I suppose. My kitchen is basic, we just moved an outside table in there so that I had some counter space because the previous tenants that lived here completely gutted the kitchen. I didn't know before how I was going to manage not having so much stuff around cause I've always been like I might use it later, but honestly I like knowing what I have and not having "clutter" around my house.

Graciela is now off the bottle. It was more about mommy not wanting to give it up then her not wanting to give it up because she adjusted well to not having it. Nap time and bed time were the only two times she got it, but she gets the sippy cup now, and at meals she uses a regular cup which she does well with. Occasionally she spills it down the front of her but nothing a couple paper towels won't clean  up in a jiffy. I really would like to start her hard core on potty training, she goes to the potty on the potty chair when she wants to but nothing consistant yet. It is something I'm working on and when the house is more on target it will be a little easier maybe....

This week has been full of insight, lots of laughs, and lots of serious talks with my oh so wonderful husband !!!!

Graciela is cutting two teeth in the front from what I can see, I think there might be more in the back coming in too.

Alexavier got his first friend from school call him tonight, which is exciting for him but a realization for mama that he's growing up and that he's getting phone calls already...lol...

I had a great time hanging out with my best friend and sister in the Lord Michelle on Monday !!!! I hung out with her and Marissa and the kids which are such a blessing to her. She's such a great great great mother !!!! I look up to her and her examples and whether she knows it or not, I take so much from her, she is an inspiration !!!!

Greg got another job this week !!! Praise the Lord, I've prayed for my husband and our family for him to get another job, and this is something that has been heavy on his heart because he's not providing for us. But the Lord really has provided so much for us within the last month that he hasn't been working. This have worked out and I truley believe that our strength in the Lord is the reason that things are the way that they are.

I'm healing more and more everyday with dealing with our miscarriage. I still have my days that are awful and the days that I'm okay but it's something that I've come to terms with and deal with everyday. In the future if it is in the Lords plan then we'll have another little one running around our house, right now though the Lord is taking care of our little angles that are up with him. And for this I am thankful !!!!

I know of a lot of women and friends that are expecting and I am truley excited for them !!!! I hope that everyone has happy and healthy pregnancies and happy and healthy babies !!! God Bless !!!

Not sure what I'm going this weekend, I've got so much stuff ready for a lawn sale but not sure when it's going to be really nice enough to have it yet. Time will tell I suppose. But as of right now I suppose I better hit the sack, I'm going to read a bit before I go to bed. I'm totally stuck on the Twilight series and totally love it, I can't put it down and I'm on the third book in three days !!!!

God Bless everyone !!!

There is a lot weighting on my heart today, and it's been really really difficult to be able to keep strong. It's hard for me not to choke up and burst up in tears. I know that the Lord has a plan for me and my family and I know that ultimetly anything in my future is up to Him alone, and He is stronger then me, stronger in that He knows what the plan is, and knows what is best for me. I might not know it now, but I have to trust Him no matter how hard it is for me to understand what is going on.

Most of my family and friends know that about 2 weeks ago we found out that we were pregnant, most people keep it in and don't tell anyone but as excited as I was and as long as we were trying to concieve baby number 3 to our family I just couldn't keep it quiet. I probably should have waited till I knew everything was okay and that everything was going in the right direction with our pregnancy, and not that it isn't but it isn't exactly where or what I want to be at right now. We had an ultrasound this morning and I was so scared, but I've been praying and trusting in the Lord that it will be okay and things will work out and it's in the master plan. I wanted to be able to hear the babys heartbeat to know that things were okay, that everything was going the way it was suppose to. The doctors couldn't find the fetal pole, but that doesn't mean that the baby isn't there it just means that they couldn't tell it on the ultrasound. I had to go for bloodwork to check my hcg levels and after hearing from the nurse that they're 21,000 right now settles my mind a bit but not completly. I'm scared right now that I'm going to lose my pregnancy, the baby that I haven't really gotten a chance to know, a baby that I want to be able to hold and nurish and bless into our family. I guess the biggest thing to swollow right now is that it's not in my hands, I have no control. That's the hardest thing for me to deal with right now, for a parent who is always in control of things or tries to be.

We've lost three pregnancies, and with each one I've been scared about losing another one when we do get pregnant. But something in my heart tells me that it's okay and that it's meant to be, we're meant to have a family, and it's not in our hands right now. My heart tells me everything is going to be okay, that I need to calm down, take a breath, relax and let whatever happen, happen. But my mind still has that little voice in the back of my mind saying that it's going to happen again, better watch out...I just want this pregnancy to be healthy and not worry. This is so much easier done then said. The nurse was glad to know that I wasn't bleeding or cramping and that it was a good sign. I have to wait another two days to go and pick up more blood work so that I can check my hcg levels again to make sure that they're climbing. This is nerve racking because it's something once agian I have no control over. The nurse says that it might be just a micalculation on my dates or something along the lines and not to worry. I'm trying.

After debating whether or not to post this or to write what I'm thinking I figured that everyone here is a parent, and probably knows being scared about being pregnant to some degree. I don't wish this upon anyone. Yet I keep putting myself through this mental anguish...in the long run I know it's His plan and I keep telling myself it will work out the way it's suppose to.

This is what's on my breaking heart and my crazy mind right now.